Communication is one of the keys—perhaps the key—to a sound and healthy interactions. This is true between individuals, groups, organizations, and even nations. All living creatures communicate in some manner. Humans possess a highly developed communication system of language, expanded from mere speaking to written and in modern times, electronic.
Relationships usually fail because of the lack of genuine and honest communication. We become defensive, we play games, we manipulate—not always aware we are doing so.
Perhaps a relationship has more profound problems than just a lack of constructive communication. With communication, there may be a chance a turbulent relationship can be healed. Without it, there is very little chance (in fact, I say no chance, unless the two just decide to live in misery).
I have long believed that the worse thing a person can do to another is refuse to give them a voice. To pretend like they do not exist, or their words do not matter. Regardless of hurtful things that might have been done or said, there is no chance of reconciliation without genuine communication.
We hear the word “ghosting” a lot today, referring to when someone (often online and in person) just stops communicating with someone else without explanation. I am excluding those who do this sort of thing for some sort of perverse pleasure, typically on dating apps. I am referring to people who have an existing relation that could be described as dating, or romantic, or friendship, or even family.
They just disappear (became a “ghost”). It basically says to someone, “You should not exist, so I am going to pretend like you don’t.” This doesn’t mean that we are not entitled to decide who we want in our lives. Of course, we do, but we have a moral obligation as a human to end the relationship in a healthy manner. I would prefer “I don’t see our relationship being constructive or helpful any longer” than for someone to act like I have ceased to exist.
This is one of the reasons I am a writer. Writing, of course, is all about communication. Clear and genuine communication is crucial, whether it is an instruction manual for a coffee maker, a discussion between a long-married couple working out an argument, a new couple professing their nascent love, an academic work, or a novel.
I have written both nonfiction and fiction works, in various genres, from scholarly tomes to funny short stories to popular spirituality to literary novels.
My preference is for novels—I believe that fiction can broach subjects in ways that nonfiction cannot. Through style, symbolism, and especially story, we can share thoughts, emotions, and words. We can celebrate what we share and try to understand where we differ. We can learn from each other.
Of course, it is not only fellow humans who deserve a voice, but ideas, concepts, and interpretations deserve a hearing as well. For those, we can analyze, critique, and assess. Silencing a viewpoint is as destructive as silencing a human being. Novels can do this as well.
In my novels, I attempt to do three things.
- Entertain. Whether through joy, pain, plot twists, characterization, setting, and so on, it should grab the reader and propel them through the story because they cannot look away (either because of the beauty or the horror).
- Commiserate. I want my readers to identify, in some way, with a situation, character, or idea/concept in my novels. Whether they have felt the same, or experienced the same, or even know a loved one who has, I hope they identify with a character or an idea and thus feel less alone in the world.
- Teach. To present characters and events where choices must be made, good or bad, giving the reader a chance to assess the choices and characteristics. “I never thought of that” or “that’s a novel interpretation of events” (pun most definitely intended.)
Researching my current novel, Nuff Sed: A Novel of Desert Steve, I have learned so much. Not only the historical events in the US and California from 1882 to 1971, but also to sympathize with those, and at least understand (even if I don’t agree) with their approach, lifestyle, and decisions.
In writing this novel, I have been entertained, commiserated with some of the characters, and learned a lot (some in ways that have led me to change things about my own life.)
I suppose, in the final analysis, I write to make myself heard and, hopefully, to make my readers feel like they have been heard as well.
Every human deserves a voice. Whether we respond constructively or destructively is our free choice.
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