This is a short story from my first collection of short stories, the sky over chaos. In this story, I wanted to play around with some literary elements in a stream of consciousness style. The idea came from observing a drunk man at a bar. I wanted to perspective to be from inside the man’s mind as he was drunk, so in addition to a stream of consciousness style, I avoided using much punctuation or personal pronouns.
It was an interesting experiment. Could I still tell a story that a reader could follow from inside the mind of a person who was not thinking clearly or perceiving reality?
Let me know what you think.
“Room spinning grab chair back lean on bar look around no one saw clumsy
Ringing no beeping beeping but ringing phone where here in pocket
“Hello?“
“Jason?”
“Mom.” Sound normal can’t let mom known how much too much how many speak slow
“Where are you? I thought you were coming home at four-thirty?”
“No. Was going to, but got caught with—“
bartender looking over here no looking to right two people man and woman older people married? maybe hope not really pretty woman
“Jason?”
“Sorry mom talking to people here in…in…in meeting. Went longer than I thought.”
Slow down is it slurred don’t let mom know how much got to pee got to sound normal
“Are you okay, Jason? You sound funny.”
“Yes. Yes. Just busy here at the conference.”
“I hate it when you go to these conferences. I don’t know why you stay at the hotel when our house is only forty minutes away. When will you be home? I need you here. You told me you’d be home at four-thirty after the conference ended. You said today was the last day.”
Nag nagger complain complainer grit teeth leave alone keep it together never win
“I’ll be there when I get there. Last meeting is going late and then we’re going to dinner.” Breathe slow talking too fast or mom will figure it out. “Don’t tell me what to do, mom, I’m a grown man forty years—”
“Now Jason, do not talk to me that way. You still live with me and I am—“
snap phone close in pocket feel bad will ring again don’t care look sideways did man and woman hear? no man and woman talking a lot laughing wish could be happy too so pretty blonde nice tan dressed nice
“Bartender. Bartender! What’s your name?”
“I’m Devon.”
“Well, Devon, I wanna buy them two a round. Round of drinks. On me.”
“These two, sir?” Pointing man and woman is pretty maybe not married maybe just met here talking
“Yes. Round of drinks for them. On me. They are so happy don’tcha think?”
“Sure thing.” Goes over can’t hear how nice eyes meet then back silence ugly stupid just trying to be nice…
The rest of this story is found in the collection below. 
Markus McDowell’s The Sky Over Chaos is an ambitious entry into the realm of speculative fiction, weaving together elements of dystopia, philosophy, and intricate character studies. Each story is a testament to his ability to weave intricate narratives that delve into themes of loss, existential angst, and the quest for identity. The collection tackles grand themes such as the nature of society, individual freedom, and the impact of technological advancement on human relationships.
This collection showcases McDowell’s skill in crafting emotionally charged and intellectually stimulating stories that linger in the mind long after the final page.
Available from select retailers in paperback, eBook, and audiobook.
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