Some historians have argued that the Roman Empire fell because they did not learn to appreciate beer (stay with me.) Wine was the drink of choice for people of the ancient Roman Republic and Empire. Watered wine for the masses, unwatered wine for the merchant owners, and fancy and expensive wine for the powerful and wealthy. Wine for your stomach ailments, wine vinegar as smelling salts, for cooking, and so on. Wine lubricated the social, cultural, and economic machine of the Empire. They even had a god of wine and parties—Dionysus.
As the Roman Empire grew, conquering and assimilating other peoples, they set up trade routes to ship the local goods back to Rome. Like blood vessels feeding the head, these trade routes brought back wine from what would someday be France, Germany, Austria, Belgium…and so on. Rome swam in wine, and couldn’t get enough.
Until they reached the northernmost barbarian lands.
Grapes did not grow in these lands. Instead, the native tribes used grains to brew their drink of choice—beer and whisky. And the Romans didn’t care for either. Julius Caesar crossed the Channel with his army and conquered the Celtic tribes of modern-day England, he gave up at the borders of Scotland and Wales, and had no interest in sailing to Ireland. Why? Because they drank beer and whisky and could not grow grapes for wine. Even though part of the British Isle was added to the Empire, they had little interest in the land, and it served as a mere outpost before it eventually fell back to the locals.
A few centuries later, Rome, drunk and fat on their wine, began to lose control of the vast Empire. Soon, there were barbarians at the gates: beer-drinking Germanic tribes, come to sack Rome.
If only the Romans had appreciated beer, the Empire might have survived longer.1
- As a historian, I must point out that I am being a bit fanciful to make a point. There were many factors that led to the fall of Rome. For example, up by the (modern day) border with Scotland, Caesar’s supply lines were quite far from the sources, and he also found the Celtic tribes particularly difficult to conquer. But the lack of appreciation of beer and whisky was probably one cause.. ↩
